


A Wise Form of Madness

by its_not_my_fault



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluffy Ending, Light Angst, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26041081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_not_my_fault/pseuds/its_not_my_fault
Summary: Zari struggles with Other Zari going back to the totem, and she needs John. And isn't that the scariest thing she can imagine? After all, it's safe enough towantJohn Constantine. It's another thing to need him.
Relationships: John Constantine/Zari Tomaz | Zari Tarazi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	A Wise Form of Madness

**Author's Note:**

> If you want a story with any kind of hope of Nate and Zari 1.0, please don't read this. I have other fics I've started where I hope to do that because my friend loves and misses them, but I wrote this fic for myself to indulge in how much I love John/Zari 2.0. I would say this story probably is not a good one for the OG HellHacker shippers either. 
> 
> Thanks to Reb for the beta help! There are probs still mistakes here, folks. She can't totally wrangle me in ;)
> 
> Thanks to Molls, too, for helping me pick a title! (Which, for the record, is someone else's modernized interpretation of "a madness most discreet," from Romeo & Juliet because I am *that* fan.)

For a moment after Other Zari disappeared into the Air Totem, Zari just stood there, immobile and confused. A firestorm of emotions—anger at losing someone she loved, sadness for her grieving friends, frustration from impotence in the situation, and hurt at the thought that some of her friends might have preferred the Other Zari stay instead of her—were blazing through her body and pushing at her skin. She didn't know how to contain herself in one body anymore. When Zari could move again she found a time courier, activated a portal, and marched directly into John's foyer. She wanted to shout for John, demanding his presence, but her throat was tight, and she thought she might break apart from the force of shouting. His home was almost as familiar to her now as her own home. Ever since she and John had searched the place for the ring, she'd felt comfortable navigating the monstrosity of a house. He hadn't told anyone that he'd given his old apartment to Gary, which she only knew because she overheard them talking about it when they didn't realize she was listening. At the time, she chuckled at what a softy her John was when no one was looking. She hoped he was still her John because she needed that softness now, that softness or something like it.

_ You just need him,  _ she thought grimly. It was one thing to want John Constantine--there was nothing dangerous about wanting him. But to need him? That was too dangerous for words. She’d be safer running with nitroglycerin. 

He wasn't on the first floor, and while she thought about looking for him in his bedroom, she realized she actually wasn't sure which one he considered  _ his _ bedroom. He hadn't commented about it when they'd seen the house in the past and had only asked that they keep to the main floor when she and the other ladies borrowed it for their Sorority. Still, she  _ could  _ go through room by room.

She'd circled back around to the empty foyer as she debated the merits of looking for John in every room of the house. She still didn't quite know how to speak or what would come out of her mouth if she opened it. Zari tugged at her hair, her eyes squeezed shut, wishing, not for the first time, that John had a cellphone so she could just text him. She heard the woosh of a time portal opening behind her and panicked. Had she inadvertently opened another portal? If she had, it would open to who knew where and who knew  _ when _ , and she really could not deal with that right now. But when she whirled to face whatever chaos she'd just brought on herself, she nearly knocked directly into John, who she thought might have been reaching for her. She thought the portal had closed, but she was too focused on the man in front of her to be sure. He was in his usual shirt and tie, though his trenchcoat was missing, with his shirt sleeves rolled up almost to his elbows. She secretly (or perhaps not so secretly, if Behrad's comments about her and John were anything to go by) loved when he wore his sleeves that way. 

John's eyes shone with concern and fear, emotions he so very rarely let people see. Zari’s heart pinched in response. But something about the riot of emotions playing on his face calmed, if only a little, the raging storm within her. He was here looking at her, and it felt like he could see her in all the ways that mattered and like few other people did or could. 

So gently it was nearly imperceptible, John took her face in his hands, and the feathery touch of his fingers along her jaw and cheeks made her shiver. "What's wrong, love?"

Zari couldn't hold back the crashing wave of emotion anymore, and maybe she was furious with herself for her trembling chin, but there was nothing she could do. John's thumbs smoothing away the tears from her face made her chest squeeze tight, and the tears flow more. Instead of pushing him away, she gripped his forearms and stroked them, reveling in their sinewy strength and his presence in her space. 

Finally, she found her voice enough to speak. "She's gone, and I can't be her. I don't even want to be her. I know she's me with a different past, but…" Words failed her again, but she hoped that somehow,  _ someway _ , John would understand. 

They stayed quiet for a minute, just standing close together, John’s hands on her face, and her hands on his forearms, like she feared he’d pull away.

Finally, John broke their silence. "God, I'm such a selfish bastard." John was often calling himself terrible things, but the tone of his voice wasn't one of bragging like when he said he was "a right nasty piece of work," or even a warning to stay away from him like she might’ve expected. She thought he sounded relieved. 

Zari tried not to sniffle. "I'm not arguing with you, but why do you say that?" 

"Because I'm so glad it wasn't you, pet. I would never be able to leave you in that totem and I would not care who I hurt or even who died if it meant getting you out. You'd probably hate me for it, but it wouldn't matter to me so long as you were on this earth to do it."

An exasperated laugh escaped her, choked as it was with the tears she still felt pricking her eyes. "You and your damned savior complex," she said, sounding fonder than she’d like. She glanced at the high ceiling before looking at him again. It looked like he might argue that he was too much of a bastard, a piece of work, and a selfish prick to have a savior complex, so she yanked him into a kiss to shut him up. And like every other time she'd sought to kiss him, he seemed happy and eager to forget everything else going on around them. He met her kiss for kiss and fought to get closer to her, feel more of her, and get lost in her. She'd never had anything that felt like this. Never had anything that felt this big, this explosive, or this  _ hers _ , only hers.

When they were both panting for breath, John pulled away just far enough to let them catch their breath, but he still rested his forehead against hers. She could see his eyes were closed. "Zari, you are way too good for me, you know that, right?"

Zari chuckled, "I'm too good for everyone, John, so that hardly matters." 

John laughed, "True enough, love. But this is more than just that. My soul is literally damned to Hell for Christ's sake."

"I do know this. It has been mentioned a time or two. What is your point?" Her tone was going hard, and she pulled back a bit from him. Zari’s ire was growing, and she knew her face showed it. She swore if he tried to end things between them "for her own good," she'd punch him. 

"I'm a cantankerous wanker of the first order, and I'll mess this up. Hell, I am already messing this up. I'm terrible at this stuff, my love, truly awful.” The smile he gave her then was so fond and soft, it hurt her to see it, and her temper fell away instantly. “But I want to try if you do, yeah? I will be by your side as long as you'll let me."

She laughed, enjoying the shock of electricity bolting through her veins at hearing John call her 'my love,' and not just one of his casual habitual nicknames he tossed around like confetti at a seven-year-old’s birthday party. 

"Get ready to be by my side for a very long time then, John Constantine." John’s eyes crinkled at the edges and she wanted to memorize the feel of the lines that formed beside his eyes under her fingers in every expression of happiness she and he could find together. And she intended for them to find a lot of joy together. 

“So you want to go to Charlie’s show with me then?” he asked, looking almost like a shy schoolboy, though she had a hard time believing he’d ever been a shy  _ anything _ .

“Finally, you ask me on a real date,” she teased. 

“I’m taking that as a yes, sweetheart.” A laugh rumbled in his chest and he pressed another quick kiss to her lips. “You know, we’ve got a bit of time before we head to the pub,” he tossed out casually, bending a bit so that he was looking through his lashes at her with mischief crackling in his eyes and written in every inch of his posture. Zari positively adored it.

She took one step away from him and feigned thoughtfulness. “Gosh, I suppose you’re right. It would not do for us to arrive on time either. It’s very important to be fashionable late to these things.” She paused again, pretending to think things over further. Then she casually walked her fingers up his chest to grab his tie. “Seems like this might be the perfect time for you to give me an updated tour of the upstairs.”

“Ah, yes,” John rocked on heels, curious and eager to play. “And what would you like to see first?”

“Well, for a start,” Zari did her best to keep her tone casual and light, “I still haven’t seen your bedroom.”


End file.
